‘Are you afraid to fall in love?’ may sound like an odd question to ask. Are you single? Are you looking for a partner? So you’re ready to fall in love, right? If only it were that simple.
I know from conversations with friends that it’s all too easy to think we’re open to and ready for a committed, intimate relationship. We do all the right things: we create an attractive online profile on social media; contact men or women who interest us; arrange to meet potential partners face-to-face.
Yet beneath the surface, we’re actually terrified of risking our tender heart and of sharing our lives with anyone – and we’re subconsciously doing things to sabotage our chances of finding a match.
Here are some of the ways fear can make you, unknowingly, remain single:
- Fear can stop you from making an effort to meet a potential partner. You can have a rapport with a potential partner but then you never get to have a date. You can always be too busy or have something better to do. It’s incredible how much time and energy you are willingly to invest in finding a new job and how little you dedicate to finding love.
- Fear of actually being in a committed relationship can lead you into relationships with men or women who are emotionally or physically unavailable. They either can’t or won’t commit; they live in a different country; they are wedded to their work; or they are addicted to alcohol or something else.
- Fear can lead you to find fault with every man or woman you meet. You can judge everyone ie nice guys are too nice, the reliable guys are too dull, and the thoughtful, kind guys are too soft. People judge others on everything from their career to their choice of shoes etc thereby always dismissing them as not quite good enough. There’s nothing wrong with having standards, of course, but ridiculously high standards are a barrier to love.
- Fear of falling in love can lead to you believing that there has to be someone better. Even after meeting a lovely person, you will keep wondering about the next one you might meet, and the next one after that.
- Fear of risking your heart also leads you to believe that a relationship is not for real unless it looks like something out of Hollywood. You expect lightning bolts and crazy chemistry. Anything less than the fireworks you saw in the movies couldn’t be true love.
If you can relate to any of the behaviours outline above – avoiding dates, dismissing and judging potential partners, falling for unavailable men or women, always looking for someone better, or expecting a Hollywood-style lightning bottle and not settling for anything less – ask yourself this: Am I afraid? Am I afraid of falling in love?
Don’t be scared of the answer. Knowledge is power. And awareness is the first step to change.
Source: Christian Connection